YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WORKING FAIRE TOO LONG WHEN

1. You go to a baseball game and you wonder why the players are running the wrong way.
2. You go to an expensive french restaurant and ask where the privyis. (Curtis Clausen)
3. You give an important speech to the heads of major companies...in Basic Faire Accent. (Curtis Clausen)
4. You're shopping and you ask, "How many pence is this, good sir?"
5. You get in an argument and yell, "A pox on thee!"
6. You think it's good table manners to belch loudly.
7. You hear someone sneeze and you instinctively cross yourself. (Robert Garland)
8. You actually know the geography of Europe, and you're an American. (Robert Garland)
9. You see a girl with her hair down and think, "That cheap ..."
10. You don't mind going for two days without a shower.
11. Someone asks you what you think of their new hat and you say, "It's nice, dear, but it's not quite period."
12. For "political affiliation" on the ballots you put the name of your guild.
13. You know the exact location of the privvies that NO ONE uses. (Matthew Legare)
14. You feel uncomfortable out of a bodice.
15. You can't shake hands without grabbing the other person's wrist.
16. You get mugged and tell the mugger his cheap Paki dagger is going to rust.
17. You call sunscreen "magic potion".
18. You go to work and suddenly get this irrational fear that you forgot to take your tent down (at many faires you have to drop the tents during the day).
19. You only know your best friend's faire name.
20. You meet someone at a party and start the conversation by asking, "What guild are you in?"
21. You think it's O.K. to spit water on your friends while singing (Sea Dogs).
22. You're about to do laundry, and you wonder where the washerwomen are.
23. You have a miniature Green Man in your garden.
24. You say "Gramercy" instead of thanks.
25. You see someone walking down the street in a kilt at rush hour, and don't even glance at him.
26. You go to the coffee shop and order chai.
27. You see someone with a knife and all you can think is, "Why isn't that tied in?"
28. You think of sheep as a *common* household pet (or girlfriend in the case of Scots :).
29. You try to unbutton your pouch... and you're not wearing one.
30. You feel indecent wearing a skirt that ends above your ankles. (Beth Loubet)
31. You think plumes and lace on a man are sexy. (Kara Marzahn)
32. Someone asks you to read something to them and you play illiterate without thinking.
33. Someone asks you the time and you look at the sun.
34. Someone asks what you do for a living and you tell them you're a goat herder.
35. You sign your faire name on checks.
36. You need a pen, but ask for a quill without thinking.
37. You're on a first name basis (Harvey) with the privy monster :)
38. You wonder what clan your new plaid tablecloth belongs to.
39. You call the queen "Lizzy" to her face.
40. You know everybody on the Ren Faire ad posters by name.
41. You actually know how to fence with sword and tankard. (Matthew Legare)
42. You think skittles is a game, not a candy. (Beth Loubet)
43. You can point out all the costume mistakes in Henry the VIII.
44. You have more than two pair of Chinese shoes in your closet. (Beth Loubet)
45. Your boots are worth more than your car. (Christopher Knight et. al.)
46. You've met "Mad Tom of Bedlam".
47. You''ve won an argument with the Costume Approval folks because your sources are better than theirs. (Matthew Legare)
48. The well water looks clean.
49. You critique all Shakespeare movies based on accent.
50. You think of bagpipes as dance music.
51. You can sight read "Neume notation" music.
52. You can spot a "guest" on sight.
53. When someone says, "John Barleycorn is dead" you cheer.
54. A customer asks what you're drinking and you say, "The Blood of Barleycorn... Want some?" -- and you're suprised when they don't.
55. The "Green Man" doesn't conjure images of cheesy martian movies.
56. You crave Bat Sweat/Dragon Piss (lemonade with a pinch of salt) when it's not hot out.
57. Someone mentions they know someone famous and you say, "I know the queen of all of England"...and you don't.
58. Someone outside of faire introduces you and you wait for them to give your title (Nobles).
59. You brag to friends about how far you can spit.
60. You see kids rolling in the mud and say, "Let an experianced Monger show you how."
61. You correct your history teacher.
62. You ask for the nearest sundial when you want to know the time.
63. You're deathly afraid of scurvy. (Sea Dogs)
64. You yell "Huzzah" when your friend jumps a clean round at a horse show. (Quin Hinrichs)
65. You hogtie your next door neighbor. (Colleen Keane)
66. You know all the Military Guild's drills and you're not *in* the Military Guild.
67. You can make the water truck get out of your way. (Matthew Legare)
68. You take your kid to the county faire and he says; "Where are the banners?" (Margo Anderson)
69. Your child's first sentence is "Swords fun!!! Hit guys!!!" (Margo Anderson)
70. You greet a policeman by saying, "Good den, my good constable."
71. You need to photocopy something and you ask where you can find a scribe.
72. Someone says, "Go straight home," and you say, "I can't... Evil spirits will follow me and find out where I live."
73. You've had more faire husbands/wives then real ones.
74. You're *really* worried about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.
75. You argue with real priests for fun. (Puritans)
76. You think O.J. Simpson should be put in "The cart of shame".
77. A friend asks if you know where to sign up for a self defence class and you give them the name of a fencing booth.
78. The first thing you do when you get home is shower... the second thing you do is get undressed.
79. (Scots) When you lose your temper, you slip into Gaelic.
80. You correct "William Shakespeare" when he's quoting himself.
81. You've gotten to the point where you *like* the taste of burlap.
82. You've built up a tolerance to Poison Oak.
83. Rock and Roll starts to sound like noise.
84. You drop something on your foot and yell, "God's Blood".
85. You can't say water without the flat AHHHHHH sound.
86. You can keep your Elizabethan straight after talking to the Scots.
87. (Scots) you get mad at Indians for wearing so many feathers up.
88. You've ever defended your life with a dead fish. (Matthew Legare)
89. You have more cloaks then Batman.
90. Someone accuses Shakespeare of being a ghost writer and you jump up outraged yelling, "He wrote those himself... I was there."
91. You can make your own boots. (Kara Marzahn)
92. You talk about paying for stuff in "pounds" - and you aren't in England. (Matthew Legare)
93. You know more about your faire persona's family than your own. (Matthew Legare)
94. You hear bells ringing and look around for short people in green baldrics (Criers, O' Course). (Matthew Legare)
95. You go to the annual Scots games and wonder when the Irish are gonna invade. (Matthew Legare)
96. You find a dead bug in your food and keep eating.
97. Your parents don't recognize you OUT of costume.
98. Your dog likes your character better than you.
99. You're in the privy and you don't notice the stench.
100. You can tell what bug you've eaten by taste.
101. You call your faire parents Mom and Dad and your real parents by their given names.
102. You can use the word "verily" in a sentence.
103. You blow your nose... and the kleenex dissolves. (Matthew Nordling)
104. You cough up enough dirt to fill a sandbox. (Matthew Nordling)
105. You're more afraid of the washerwomen then the sheriff.
106. You can discuss the pros and cons of nylon vs cotton lycra leggings -- and you're a guy.
107. (Morris Dancing) You bring bells, sticks, and hankies to aerobics.
108. You look at a new vest and wonder where to tie the sleeves.
109. You call cigarettes "tabac". (Lewis Nowosad)
110. You can name the sheep your shirt came from.
111. A little kid wants help with the alphabet and you teach them the Sea Dog alphabet ("Ahhhhh", "Rrrrrr", "OOOOO" & "Ewwwww")
112. You can't wait for summer to end so Faire can start.
113. It's snowing and all you can think is, "At least the weather is period."
114. You describe your religion as "bodice worshiper". (William Bowers)
115. You think of your guild site as home.
116. You bring a wooden bowl with you... to work.
117. You're surprised when somebody *isn't* pagan.
118. You've memorized the "herb lore" books just in case something happens.
119. You have more leather working tools than wood working tools...and you're a carpenter.
120. You miss having sex in a tent.
121. Someone asks what ethnicity you are and you say, "Faire folk".
122. You name your tent.
123. Your clothes come when you call, and your dog won't.
124. You can stare at a magnet for hours wondering how it works.
125. You refer to the items on this list by number.
126. You know what all the Saints did.
127. You bow to your boss.
128. You name your hamster "Percival the Avenger".
129. You get in a fight and can't stop doing stage punches. (Matthew Legare & Lance Druger)
130. Someone says they make computers and you wonder, "What kind of pewter is that?"
131. You've hit a priest with your bible and you're not sorry (Puritans).
132. You see a cute girl in the street and have to fight off the urge to say, "Good Morrow, my lady."
133. You'd rather wear a bodice then a bra (Alison Deal)
134. You know your weight in stones. (Matthew Legare & Lance Druger)
135. You've seen Davy Jones locker and smelled his gym socks (Sea Dogs) (Ewwwwwww!!!).
136. For your birthday you get faire favors.
137. You've tried fishing off the Sea Dogs' dock, and caught someone.
138. You've played bones... with lawn chairs (Yes, it's been done).
139. You can put a Sparth axe & a broadsword down your bodice (Again, it's been done). (Alisa Wilma & Lance Druger)
140. You like haggis, and you're not Scottish.
141. You start to show the bus driver your gatepass. (Bryndis Tobin)
142. You dream in BFA...and it dosn't seem odd. (Rachel Maurer)
143. You're standing in a furniture store thinking "Gee, that fabric would make a terrific doublet..." (Michael Young)
144. You have tan lines that match your bodice neckline, NOT a swimsuit...(Alys PatchGown)
145. You see someone wearing a purple polo shirt on the street and think, "Uh-oh! Only Queen Elizabeth is supposed to wear that color." (Anonymous)
146. You take out your house keys as you walk to your tent. (Roman Hruska)
147. You always carry a dagger...just in case. (Kara Marzahn)
148. You have your Faire name printed on your business cards. (Kara Marzahn)
149. You know what's worn under a Scottman's kilt. (Kara Marzahn)
150. You can flick a fish with the best of them (KRF). (Kara Marzahn)